I remember those moments many times…..they come as stray wandering thoughts when the mind needs comfort….a need to slip into fantasy……to soothe itself with honey like thoughts…..sweetness and a little chilly…….that’s what real honey tastes like….thats what i've heard
What I remember seems to touched by the magical….those moments seem untouched by the intellect….they have wonder……a mistiness surrounds them…..and a happiness which comes from innocence……probably for those few years I lived in paradise…..something I probably got with me from where I came :)
Afternoon naps in the quiet gentle sunlight, early morning with my grandfather when he plucked flowers, late evenings watching TV without the lights on….diwali baths early in the morning with my father bursting crackers outside and then in the darkness of the evening with lamps lighting it up….
Only a child could have felt like this…….now when I go back to the places where all this happened I see “reality”…..broken fractured musty relationships, how human beings go on and on like cockroaches…..without destroying things when they get ugly but just dragging on….and on….the noise and pollution…..the loneliness of old age….the ordinariness of death…the ordinariness of most things actually…
When my mind couldn’t take this reality, it dried up ready to die….but for some reason it didn’t …..it wasn’t time I think….
The colours went away…..the smells of the wondrous times disappeared……I was left with nothing
Now when life seems to be coming back, I remember my childhood wonder and awe more concretely……. It makes me smile with love for myself, the way I was so many years back….

I feel saffron
But, exist in dark grey
Constant
Tussle
Between body
Mind
Spirit
To leave shackles
And
Emerge