And then there is me………
The last one, the lonely one
Left in the blue desert
Wandering
White chiffon ribbon of the sky
One strip of creation
Warm air
Holding tightly
Not letting me go
Far into the cave
With cold water stagnant for many years
Many secrets hidden with silver and gold fish squirting about
The light let in through an opening of stone
White light
Blinding to the eye
Half dead
Half alive
Life goes on in the veins of man
Quiet light takes care of me
Nothing more to be said
Silence all through
Silence in my ears
Silence in my shoes
And my legs and toes
Go fish she tells me
Go into the darkness of forests
Smell the smell of trees
The smell of fruits
The smell of worms
Don’t come back
Till I tell you
Come forward with open arms
Cut off your thick skin
Throw it to the jaws waiting at the door
Open up in your little while skirt and pink apron
With welcoming smile
Incense smells coming from within
Dettol, phynel, disinfectant and soap
Cardboard and iron
Cold floors with nothing on me
Taking care of small people
Insects and worms with busy families inside
Cut open
That’s the end.

Kavi's Introduction

Yesterday, I received an email from a friend, in which he suggested that I should daily write for two hours and develop my ideas on development. He said it was a step forward that I was thinking about these larger issues and not spending too much on self searching. The later part is not true; I have been spending inordinately long hours in 'self -search', and facing crisis after crisis of existential angst, and predictably horrible repetitive bouts of depression. But my perspective has enlarged after going through a random sampling of blogs belonging to people my age, especially from my country, India. It was then that I realized that my angst was not unique. Blog after blog is a testimony to young people's search - the nature of the search is fervent; the object of search is un-namable, amphorous; its only defining characteristic being its ubiquitous promise of greatness. This angst is the human condition today. I read in the papers that more and more people in their late twenties are facing a crisis similar to mid-life crisis. Every generation has its burden to bear, and existential crisis seems to be our.

When I realized this, I also realized that my condition was connected to that of society; my angst was symptomatic of the society. Perhaps, Gandhiji was right when he spoke that the growth of the individual is possible only with growth of the society-for an average individual, and even exceptional one at that, cannot transcend society. So now, questions about the self inevitably lead to questions about the society.

In this, I am lucky that after a few false starts, I find myself in a field –namely development- that allows me to question, if not change, society. Yes, this field like any other has its share of hypocrisies and biases. But it is a vantage point to view the direction of human growth. To analyse the direction the country is taking. It is a good place from which to raise questions.

I think it will be our questions rather than our answers that will get us together on this page. For answers are ours, they cannot possibly be shared. We can share the doubts, never the assurance. We can be companions, but never walk the walk for others. But yes, there is much to be said about companionship- as it is what makes the journey memorable, and perhaps even bearable.

To start , a bit about myself…. Based in Delhi… shifted professions from architecture to urban design to development… it is difficult which way my work would go- but my work would be centred around Indian cities. After years of devouring books, I now turned my attention to movies and music. I love writing, and arty-crafty things… But all I seem to do nowadays is travel….

It would be great to read about rest of us.....